Asking For Support

Part 3 of Embracing Support series 

Is asking the hardest part, or being honest with oneself that you need support?

I think both could potentially be equally as hard because both can bring up shame and unworthiness. 

 

But what if you never asked for support?

Sometimes we can receive it out of nowhere, without asking, and it feels more harmful than helpful. Others can give to us from the kindness of their hearts unexpectedly and it is incredibly beneficial, more than we could imagine.

 

I will NEVER forget when my boss, while working at a coffee shop in NYC, paid for a month of my health care out of his pocket! Why did he do it? Mostly because he has one of the most loving hearts that I’ve ever met. And also because I was traveling for a month out of the country to attend my first Yoga teacher training! Thanks Marc T., I love you and my coffee shop family to this day.

 

Now in the case of my coffee house boss, I hadn’t even thought of the possibility of somebody supporting me financially while I was gone. I didn’t ask because I hadn’t even thought of the question and possibility. And in this same thread, sometimes in the asking more possibilities are presented because now we have a collective consciousness from which we’re drawing from.

 

But, I also want to honor those moments where we might be too afraid to ask because we’re afraid of what the answer might be. This fear is coming because we are making up a scenario that we ultimately have no control over.  And, we are possibly making assumptions about a person that, again, we have no control over.

 

Where we do have control is in the asking.

Call it ‘asking’, ‘prayer’, ‘longing’, ‘for guidance’, or ‘request’. Whether we’re asking for something tangible, or sending out the request for our life to transform in some positive way to the Universe, the one thing that “to ask” seems to return back to is to One’s Self.

 

Before the actual making of the request, we have to first come back to that self-acceptance, presencing ourself and acknowledging what is within us and around us in our situation and circumstance to be clear on what the request is, and then being courageous to speak it.

 

It is the giving of the request, the action of asking for what we need, that is the third part in the arc of this month’s theme around embracing support.

 

I have come to discover through conversations and explorations that the asking can bring up a lot of emotions for the person who is doing the asking.  Sarah Peck, of Start up Parent, has a great article about the ask! Read it here! In her article she speaks about confidence, mastering the pause, being audacious in your asking, keeping it simple, timing, asking multiple times, asking everyone, and practicing! I love the detail she goes into and some of the question examples. 

 

Sarah addresses a lot of good, real-world topics. I tend to get Spiritual, lol. She talks about asking to pick someone’s brain about things, and I also want to consider asking the Universe for support. However, one thing that these both have in common, yup, you guessed it, awareness and clarity. 

Ask for support but first find awareness and clarity.
Asking for support begins with awareness and clarity

Even here, in the third of four parts in this arc of embracing support, to become present is so key! We have to be clear with what we need/want in order to clearly state that need/desire in a simple and compassionate way. 

 

To be as clearly able to ask for the person at the door who is leaving, to hold the door open for us as we’re coming in with our arms full, as we are able to ask the Universe to support us in making a difficult decision to leave a job or not.

 

And we can oftentimes find that we already know the answer within ourselves even us we ask the questions. We just need to get quiet to hear that voice within; our intuition and wisdom, it’s our knowing.

 

Simultaneously, I’m hearing Rainer Maria Rilke’s quote in my mind of living the questions because we might not be able to live out the answers today. Read the full quote here.

Perhaps then the best thing to do is to stay present and curious, and to keep asking questions!  To keep living, and to “live everything” says Rilke.

 

And still yet another key aspect to remember is that you are still not alone!  

And you never have to do any of this alone.

 

You can always breathe with the divine. Even when asking to know your True Self more and to understand your own heart, you’re diving in with the divine breathing through your lungs and body.

 

Joseph Gassman wrote this short and poignant poem:

” She acts so strong … like stone

putting the needs of others ahead of her own

holding them up … the toll … unknown

She does not phone for help

she acts so strong …

just ask because you do not need

            to face these things alone.”

When was the last time that you really asked for help that you so desperately needed, instead of forcing yourself to go it “alone”?

” it’s been a few days since anyone asked how I am.

it’s been a few days since I said I’m all right.

it’s been a few months since anyone cared how I am.

it’s been a few months since I told the truth.”

-Mae

What could happen if you did ask? What if you don’t ask?

Recently I posted this video in my Instagram.  I say that if you don’t ask the answers always no. I want to challenge this idea that the answer is no. Because sometimes when we don’t ask something different happens. Sometimes if we don’t ask, the other person might come up with us offering what we were going to ask for. And sometimes if we don’t ask, a different event happens. Maybe I don’t ask to go get ice cream, but instead my family and I end up eating some chocolate chips.

 

And because I do believe the Universe is always listening to our hearts, even if we might not explicitly ask the universe for what we need and want, I believe the voice within our heart is heard. And sometimes, even when we don’t ask, we will receive; because our heart is known by the divine.

 

And, of course, when we don’t ask in that clear and specific way, sometimes we do end up with what we want and need. But it comes in the form, shape, experience, that we couldn’t imagine.

 

Intimate partnerships.
I found my intimate partner after knowing exactly what I was looking for

 

When I started to become really clear in the type of intimate partner that I wanted, I saw my relationships changing and evolving in the ways that I had hoped for. And still, I could never have imagined meeting the person who would become my life partner through online dating, and coming to meet the person that they are, and how our lives are unfolding together now.  Many aspects of our relationship have been very unexpected in the most beautiful and loving ways. And some of those unexpected ways have in return caused me to learn more about my self, both inward and outwardly.

 

Some of the healthful unlearning that I have done because of this marriage has actually allowed me to reach my own personal potentials, and in my own way.  

How fascinating is that! … I get clear on what I want (in a partner), and through the process of meeting (my life partner), I have actually opened myself up to deeper parts of myself; Allowing me to experience parts of my True Essence! 

 

This invites us to give gratitude to our self and to the person who we ask!  That I have overcome my fears, stepped into my worthiness, believed myself and my needs so that I can ask. As well as gratitude to the universe, to others, to whomever or wherever we have asked for the support and those places we receive it from.

 

Inside all of this I’ve come to discover we have lots of choices:
  • Choosing awareness.
  • Choosing curiosity.
  • How we choose to view our Self.
  • How we make the choice to choose our self by loving ourself enough to ask.
  • To choose to let go of shame and unworthiness.
  • To choose love.
  • How we choose to perceive ourself or any other person who’s asking for help.
  • Choice in how we perceive ‘asking’.
  • How we posture our self before the asking.
  • How we posture our self during the asking.
  • How we continue to hold ourselves after the asking, no matter the response.
  • Who we choose to ask.
  • When we do the asking.
  • Where we ask.
  • The words we choose while we’re asking.
  • Choosing our heart as the place from which we are asking.

How will you use this blog, dear reader? 

Has it reminded you of your worth?  Has it inspired you to ask?

Has it moved you to share it with someone you wish to help and support? 

Please do, pass it on, I am asking you to do so! 😉

 

All my love,

Shawna

Breathe and Believe.

P.S. Don’t forget to keep using the heart center mudra of the month with this all! Click here for the mudra.